Archive for May, 2008
I was at a party last night and I finally got a hold of one of those KFC chicken wraps my co-workers keeps going on about. Contrary to the evil Wendy’s corporation, KFC got it right. A tightly-packed wrap filled with huge chunks of grilled chicken, some veggies, and some kind of secret sauce (the less you know what it is, the happier you are.) Not some crappy chicken nugget in a bun and covered in lettuce.
And there’s a very simple reason why it didn’t suck. “Kentucky Fried Chicken” has the name “chicken” in the title. It means they have to make quality chicken-type products. Much like how any place with the word “Pizza” in the title is required to make good pizza, and A&W is the best when it comes to ‘amburgers and woot beer. But what the heck is a Wendy’s? Or a McDonald’s or an Arby’s for that matter? Man, get out of the fast food business, you posers.
Oh, yeah, and the party went well. We played hockey, watched some Guitar Hero, sang “Peanut Butter Jelly Time” and then the cops showed up. It was cool.
That’s a “Beavis & Butthead” reference, by the way – in case you live under a rock or have better things to do than watch the animated adventures of two dim-witted metal-heads.
The reason I bring it up: much like Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, and Rowan Atkinson before him, Mike Judge is finally caving into senility and reconsidering bringing back his old franchise in the form of another movie. Only this time, it’s not a cartoon.
We probably should’ve seen this coming. Ninja Turtles, Flintstones, Scooby-Doo, and Speed Racer all got the treatment. And with Hollywood’s track record, we should probably expect to see live-action remakes of more modern shows like Futurama, Family Guy, South Park and even possibly the Simpsons in 10-20 years time. No cartoon is safe.
Although a live-action “Beavis & Butthead” movie probably wouldn’t be so different from the movies we already get. Take “Dude, Where’s My Car,” replace every “dude/shibby” quote with either “dumbass” or “boobs,” replace the male-on-male kiss with Ashton Kutcher hitting Sean William Scott upside the head, and replace the characters’ girlfriends with their right hands. There you go! The new B&B movie is already made!
I was pushing the button for my elevator this morning when a couple of my neighbors showed up. One was a middle-aged old woman and the other was her little five year old son. We said our good mornings and then the elevators doors opened. I was the closest to the door so I went in first, but as soon as I did, the kid stood frozen in his shoes and refused to follow his mother inside. We gave the kid a moment, but after waiting too long, the doors started closing again. So I stepped forward to block the doors from closing and that’s when the kid completely freaked out.
There I was, a creepy stranger with a black backpack standing in front of an elevator door with a crying child just five feet away from me. Finally, I step out of the elevator and tell the lady I’ll catch the next one down. But no sooner do I step out than the kid screams bloody murder, pulls free of his mother’s grasp and races back to his room crying. So I cave in and take the elevator myself.
It’s one of those mornings.
1. Rock ‘N Roll High School
THIS is how you stick it to The Man!
2. The One
Jet Li is pure gangsta. If every movie ended with a scene like this, I’d be happy.
3. Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey
A rock concert, world peace achieved, dancing robots, aliens on bongos, and the Grim Reaper winning the Indy 500. Unquestionably the best ending ever.
Busy at work today, so here’s a quick recap. Went for Dim Sum on Friday and saw “Iron Man” (awesome.) Saturday I went in for a dental appointment and now I get to have my wisdom teeth removed (yay!) Then took my mother out for Red Lobster for Mother’s Day and bloodied up my thumbs trying to get through those darn crab legs. Followed that up with a late night family viewing of “Speed Racer.” “Speed Racer,” by the way, features a scene where a monkey wears a hat and rocks out to “Free Bird” while running over people in a go-kart. That four kinds of awesome right there. Sunday was spent doing laundry, trying to get work done on TSL, while listening to the entire first half of Buffy Season 7.
Here’s a video of Japanese people being awesome.
Caught this show at Rapidfire Theatre Improv last Halloween. This is basically what would happen if you let those guys on “Whose Line Is It Anyways?” show up in superhero outfits and bring their own props. I’d say it’s worth the 45 minute viewing time.
See it on Youtube:
Part 1/7: Introductions
Part 2/7: Body Posing
Part 3/7: Aardvarks vs. Jesus
Part 4/7: Killer Jell-O
Part 5/7: Worst Birthday Ever
Part 6/7: Tim Horton’s Songs of Doom
Part 7/7: The Grand Finale
Yes, it took me this long enough to figure out – mostly because I never ate there. But eventually everyone gets suckered in by misleading advertising. We’ve all seen the McDonald’s commercials where they’ve got a big juicy burger neatly stacked and ready to be eaten by God himself, and then finally order one just to get something half the size and looks sat on. But Wendy’s pushed it too far.
Here’s the new Wendy’s chicken wrap:
In the commercials, it looks two feet long and shows somebody eating it just as they would a Subway sandwich. There seemed like no way they could be exaggerating the size of this thing. However, the actors they used must have been midgets because when I got mine at drive-thru, it was 90% wrap, 5% lettuce, 2% cheese, and in the middle of it all… was a chicken nugget.
Google Image Search result for “Pictures that express my anger toward stupid Wendy’s and their stupid chicken nuggets… gangsta baby”
You win this round, Wendy’s. But once this entry gets 50 million page views from loyal Wendy’s customers, you’re going down.