It’s been a draining weekend for me. I’ve been trying to get this video presentation compiled of all my past animation work put together, and for Wednesday, we’re holding a dessert potluck. I figured out the video thing just now and have nice clean DVD all set up, but the dessert is another question.
I went on-line and found this nice recipe for Chocolate-Covered Peanut Butters Balls. It sounded easy enough to make so I grabbed the ingredients while I was out and and got to work on it earlier this afternoon. What I ended up with was crap. The first problem came when I thought I could multi-task and melt the chocolate in the microwave while I used my only sauce pan to melt the peanut butter on the stove. After three minutes, something smelled funny. I opened the microwave, and the chocolate had burnt a hole straight through the Tupperware and was burnt all over inside. Throwing it away, I used up the rest of the chocolate to get everything back on track. The next problem arose when I found out the chocolate wasn’t deep enough to dip the balls on. Instead, I had to roll them around in it, and the end result was this nasty looking turd that tastes like Reese’s Pieces retarded cousin. The final problem came when I put them in the freezer, and when I opened it later, the pan fell on the floor and the balls rolled around the still unswept floor. I salvaged some, but decided I wasn’t bringing these on Wednesday.
So I looked at my remaining ingredients and opted for Peanut Butter Cookies. After 30 minutes of preparation, they burnt to death after 5 minutes in the stove. Straight into the garbage they went.
Think I’ll just bring freezies for everyone on Wednesday.
If making dessert wasn’t enough, I made some stir fry for supper and had to throw out a whole pot of overcooked rice. It’s not a good day for me and food. Next weekend, I’m eating out.
No, this is nothing like the Monday Movie Blogging. That was completely different.
The big movies out this week are the retardedly-named “The X-Files: I Want To Believe” and the namely-retarded “Stepbrothers.” I actually really want to see “X-Files,” if only because the trailers don’t give away a thing about the plot (although I suspect it involves mystery and wanting to believe in the mystery in some way.) I saw a bright blue cheesy ghost thing in the trailers, so yeah, I want to see what that’s all about.
Unfortunately, the X-Philes (as they like to be called) didn’t post up any funny videos I could find about their favorite movie this week. Then I remembered everyone’s probably going back to see “The Dark Knight” again anyway, so here’s a new video about it.
The other movie “Stepbrothers” is about two grown men acting like little kids. It’s getting better reviews than X-Files though, so… I dunno. Do I want to watch it? Will that Ferrell guy be naked in it again? For this movie, I found a video about two other guys being retarded, but more entertaining.Wooooooooow!
Every time I see a movie, I start writing up a review and then sweep it aside for a bit. And then I see more movies. As a result, I end up with a ton of unfinished drafts sitting on my post page. So I decided to get them all out of the way at once. Here’s every movie I saw in theaters this year:
Cloverfield The Good: Great marketing, interesting premise, good special effects (when you can see them) The Bad: Shoddy nausea-inducing camera work, too many typical horror movie mistakes (sure, let’s all go into the dark tunnel!) The Final Word: J. J. Abrams is like Michael Bay, only the internet likes him for some reason.
27 Dresses The Good: It wasn’t very embarrassing to watch. Had a nice scene where everyone gets drunk and sings “Benny and the Jets.” The Bad: I still don’t think girls who look like Katherine Heigl should have any problems finding a guy. The Final Word: Yes, yes. I paid to see a chick flick. Hey, sometimes you have to watch the movie the girls want to see. Besides, I owed them for that whole Cloverfield thing the week before.
Jumper The Good: Lots of cool jumping effects! It has Samuel L. Jackson in it! The Bad: Anti-climatic ending. Constant jumping may confuse you. The Final Word: More on par with movies like “Underworld.” Pretty neat, but it’s all cookie-cutter stuff. Still want to see a sequel, though.
The Other Boleyn Girl The Good: It’s educational! Plus, it has noticeably good performances. I don’t notice performances often. Also, there’s lots of poofy clothes. Eric Bana is like a walking truck. The Bad: Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman don’t make out in it. The Final Word: I’m normally not into historical dramas, but I liked this one. King Henry was a pimp.
10 000 B.C. The Good: Mammoths! Tigers! Bird things! Yeah. The Bad: Why does everyone have pearly white teeth and neatly trimmed beards? And how could they make a movie about cavemen without Ringo Starr? And wait… cavemen are magic? Okay. The Final Word: Most of the stuff in this movie didn’t exist until about 4500 years ago, so maybe it should’ve been called “2000 B.C.”
The Forbidden Kingdom The Good: Jackie Chan and Jet Li, of course. There’s some pretty sweet fights in this movie. The Bad: REEEEAAAALLLLLY cheesy throughout the first 30 minutes, what with the kid time traveling and the Monkey King doing wire-fu, but it gets better. The Final Word: It’s mostly a corny version of “Journey to the West” meets “A Kid in King Arthur’s Court.” Funny movie, lots of fightings, lots of Chinese magic.
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay The Good: Fart jokes, bottomless parties, George Bush getting high, and motherf***ing Neil Patrick Harris. I swear, that guy is the new Christopher Walken. He’s creepy, cool, and should be in everything. The Bad: Didn’t feature a scene where God is smoking pot up in heaven and giving the thumbs up to Harold and Kumar. The Final Word: Awesome movie. So far, this is one of the best franchises about pot-smoking ever made.
Iron Man The Good: Robert Downey Jr., the special effects, the humor, lots of explosions, the kicking of terrorist butt – I even really liked Gwyneth Paltrow in this. The Bad: Hmmmm… final battle needed to be ten minutes longer. The Final Word: I could go on about this one. It’s my favorite superhero movie of the year so far.
Speed Racer The Good: If “Yellow Submarine” had sex with “Fast and the Furious” and gave birth to a hippy movie, this is it. Lots of bright flashing colors, campy 60’s music, and the awesomest Hot Wheels tracks ever. Mix in a trunk monkey, a car that shoots bees, some “Free Bird,” viking race car drivers, and John Goodman wrestling a ninja, and you’ve got pure happiness. The Bad: Cut out most of the first half of the movie and just get to the races already! The Final Word: Anyone who hates “Speed Racer” actively hates joy. I’m calling this my favorite movie of the year so far.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian The Good: More grittier and darker than the first movie, some great special effects, and a pretty awesome battle at the end. The Bad: Aslan is a dick. He’s like a big strong guy who drinks beer and watches TV while his buddies move furniture up the stairs. The Final Word: Way better than the first movie! The mice are awesome.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull The Good: Pure 1950’s B-movie campiness at it’s best. Totally gets back to it’s roots and creates a new Indy franchise for today’s generation. The Bad: I forgot to wear my hat to the movie. The Final Word: I’d put this as my third favorite Indy movie, right above “Temple of Doom.” A lot of people complain about the sci-fi aspect of it for some reason, even though extraterrestrial technology has always been a major theoretical part of archeology. I’m pulling for a “Fate of Atlantis” sequel.
Get Smart The Good: Anne Hathaway is haaaaawwwwwt. Steve Carell plays a good Maxwell Smart, and the movie overall stays true to the original show, for the mostpart. The Bad: Still reminds me way too much of every spy comedy ever made. Austin Powers, The Pink Panther, I-Spy, Agent Cody Banks, Johnny English – there’s not much to this one that separates it from the others. The Final Word: A fairly decent B-comedy. Good for dollar theaters or renting.
Kung Fu Panda The Good: Contains some of the best action sequences of the year. Also really well animated and performed. I like how there’s so many nods towards famous Chinese legends in this movie. The Bad: It’s one of those movies where they really didn’t need all the celebrities to do voices. Jackie Chan maybe had only two or three lines throughout the entire movie. The Final Word: This is Dreamworks’ best animated film since the original “Shrek.” Only this time, there’s no corny pop culture references or scenes where all the main characters sing karaoke. Dreamworks is finally learning it’s lesson not to be such a douche all the time.
Wall-E The Good: Everything’s good. Fantastic animation, a brilliant story, strong themes concerning the environment and our lifestyle, and some of the best performances I’ve ever seen from non-speaking actors. The Bad: Quoting this movie makes you sound retarded. “Waaaalllleeeeee!!!!” The Final Word: My third favorite Pixar movie, right after “The Incredibles” and “Toy Story.” I can’t wrap my head around how awesome it was.
And the big one:
The Dark Knight The Good:
-Obviously, Heath Ledger. He’s the one thing everyone was right about.
-Joker’s magic trick. Best character set-up ever.
-The Semi Chase. So far, that’s the best action sequence I’ve seen in any Batman film yet.
-The Hospital Scene. That was a labor of love.
-The special effects are freaking awesome.
-They ended half of it the way I wanted it to. That was a pleasant surprise.
-The new bat helmet is really poofy and makes Batman look retarded.
-The fights are still shaky and hard to see (my main gripe with the first movie)
-I had no idea Maggie Gyllenhaal was playing the same character Katie Holmes was. I thought she was just the new Batman girl. That kind of re-casting confuses me.
-There’s a lot more “YEEEAH RIGHT” moments in this one. I normally like those kind of moments, but for a show that everyone seems to praise for it’s “realism,” it gets really unrealistic.
-I didn’t like how they ended the other half of the movie.
The Final Word: Easily better than “Batman Begins.” It wasn’t the gritty crime drama everyone makes it out to be – there’s maybe five minutes of sleuthing and investigating throughout the whole thing. The rest of it is Batman being cool, Joker being psychotic, and everyone else talking about the legal system. Still a great movie.
My top five of the year so far:
5. The Dark Knight
3. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
2. Iron Man
1. Speed Racer.
During the writer’s strike, Buffy director Joss Whedon and his buddies took a break to work on an exclusive internet mini-series, “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog.” As of just now, all three parts are available for viewing, but for two days only, after which they go straight to iTunes.
The series is cut into three acts, mostly 13-15 minutes long, and is Joss Whedon’s first musical endeavor since the “Once More with Feeling” Buffy episode 7 years ago. And I gotta say: Joss has still got it. This guy should write every musical.
The story follows a low-rent wannabe supervillain, Dr. Horrible (played by Mr. Awesomness himself, Neil Patrick Harris) as he tries to join the Evil League of Evil, but gets side-tracked by his arch-nemesis Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion) and the girl at the laundromat he’s too shy to talk to (some really cute redhead.) The show cuts between his social life and him blogging about his evil schemes as it goes along, and the rest is filled in with witty-wordplay musical numbers and random special effects.
Not quite as great as “Once More with Feeling” (one of my favorite TV episodes of anything EVER) but still pretty entertaining. Check it out while it’s still free. And here’s crossing my fingers that they get green-lighted for more episodes soon.
I think I figured out one of the secrets to blogging. Write about Batman. Normally I bring in a few dozen hits everyday, but since my Batman article on Wednesday, that number’s gone up to lots and lots of few dozens.
Thankfully, Dark Knight is officially out this weekend, so I can blog about it again. I probably won’t see it for a while (the crowds are going to be retarded) but it doesn’t matter. The whole point of my movie blog is to post up random videos I found that remind me of the big movies coming out this weekend.
Dark Knight was a hard pick since people have been posting Batman videos all week, but my favorite one was from “Probably Bastards”:
For Mamma Mia, I picked out this episode of “Hate by Numbers” because when there’s a big “Mamma Mia!” moment when Gladstone demonstrates an amazing thing forks can do.And for Space Chimps (yes, there’s TWO other big budget movies competing against Batman at the moment,) I didn’t run across any outer space or monkey videos. But monkeys are awesome and I did find a promo for Heroes Season 3 which looks pretty awesome itself.
After years of waiting, “Mamma Mia” is finally coming out this weekend and the internet’s all abuzz about their favorite ABBA songs. But my post isn’t about that. There’s also a relatively unknown movie coming out called “The Dark Knight” which follows the adventures of a detective dressed like a bat. His name is Batman, and he’s appeared in over 25 films and TV movies in the last 50 years. So today I thought I’d browse through the vast library of Batman movies and pick out my favorite five.
5. Batman & Robin
Before you hit the BACK button, hear me out. I get it – it’s a stupid movie. It’s a horrible movie. Joel Schumacher is a blasphemy to everything that is Batman. We’ve heard it all before.
Now just take a moment to let all your criticisms sink in: rubber nipples, Arnold Schwarzenegger yelling bad ice puns, bikers wearing neon face paint, a big heavy guy saying “BOOOOOMMMMMB” as he places bombs, more rubber nipples, a computer that annoyingly repeats “PASSWORD DENIED”, a pissing dog frozen in ice, the hockey team from Hell, rubber icicles, reversed stock footage, snowboarding on rooftops, a Bat-Mastercard (expiration: FOREVER,) Commissioner Gordon as a retard, and to top it off: Alicia Silverstone wearing armored bat-boobs… with rubber nipples.
“Batman and Robin” is like a dog crapping on a baby. Horrible, yet delightfully entertaining. Nothing in it is meant to be serious, and when you need a movie that doesn’t make you think, this one’s got it down to an art.
And if that doesn’t convince you, here’s Mike Nelson’s take on the film. Anything that gets Mike Nelson’s attention deserves to exist.
4. Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker
I caught this Monday night on TV. It was one of those straight-to-video cartoon movies that I never knew existed. But it was actually pretty good. It’s the new Batman in the future, guided by an old Bruce Wayne who spends all his time sitting in the bat-cave. It had some pretty hard-hitting fights, half of Gotham getting destroyed by a space laser, and a wicked ten-minute flashback depicting the brutal death of the Joker (except in the edited version.) Very entertaining. I don’t recommend for renting, but it’s TV watchable.
3. Batman Begins
I have to put this one on here somewhere. It’s a rule. Batman is a ninja, his car’s a tank, Morgan Freeman, Christian Bale, and Liam Neeson. There’s all kinds of awesome in this movie. But because we’ve all heard about how awesome this movie is, I’m going to discuss how retarded it is with five bullet-points instead.
Bruce Wayne: retarded. The reason you fall is because you’re clumsy and can’t stay away from open wells. It has nothing to do with you getting back up.
The League of Assassins: retarded. Seriously – they spend five years training some guy to kick their ass, then drop the bomb on him one day that they plan to travel to America and blow up his hometown. What did they expect would happen?
Katie Holmes: retarded.
Scarecrow: retarded. He got defeated by Katie Holmes.
The LoA’s Microwave Emitter Plan: retarded. That thing doesn’t even work right. The human body is 65% water and nobody exploded when they turned it on.
2. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm
I’m chalking this one up as the best of the Batman movies. Animated Batman has always struck me as being more realistic and down-to-earth than any of his live-action counterparts. The live-action movies have always focused on the wacky gadget and cartoony supervillain aspect of Batman, while the animated series stayed true to Batman’s detective nature and even told a few interesting human nature stories. I swear they had the wrong writers in the wrong divisions.
“Mask of the Phantasm” is a great crime drama, centering around Batman getting framed when several known criminals are found murdered. The animation is so-so, but the imaginative visuals would’ve looked great in live-action. And I’m still convinced Mark Hamill is the best Joker ever. No amount of Heath Ledger dying will ever convince me otherwise.
1. Batman: The Movie (1966)
And now for my favorite Batman movie. The monster that started it all. The one where Batman finally gets a chance to use that Bat-Shark Repellent he keeps next to his Bat-Manta-Ray Repellent. Yes, at one point he decided he may need to protect himself from manta rays. That’s how freakin’ awesome this movie is.
Adam West is the best Batman ever. Reason being, he can wear that costume with the painted eyebrows and does it with pride. Everything to him, no matter how retarded, is mindful and thought-provoking. Then you’ve got Robin, who seems to be all too happy wearing those speedos.
From the accurately-labeled “Bat-Ladder” to exploding marine life, this movie is pure camp from beginning to end. Anyone who doesn’t like it actively hates joy.
Anyway, I leave you off with one of the best movies scenes ever. Let’s see Christian Bale do this.
In honor of the new “Hellboy 2” opening this weekend, here’s an awesome video from the Retarded Policeman!
I’m not sure what the Retarded Policeman has to do with Hellboy. They just wrote “Hellboy 2” on the video description for some reason.
And in honor of Eddie Murphy’s new comedy “Meet Dave,” here’s an early reaction video from “Probably Bastards.”EDIT: Just found something for “Journey to the Center of the Earth” as well! All three new movies have a video now.
I swear I’ll mentally strangle the next person who jokes about my “lack of wisdom.”
The operation went well. Went in on Friday, took five sedation pills, and was lying on the floor of the dentist’s office within 15 minutes. When I woke up, I was being helped out to the car with a bloody mouth full of gauze and stitches.
Then rest of the weekend began. Mom drove me out to Plamondon for the big family reunion going on out there. We brought the cats along, but since they know how to open kennels, we had to let them crawl around the car. Nothing like quite throwing a cat into the backseat every ten seconds for a two hour drive. I was hopped up on Tylonel 3 for the rest of the night, so I can’t remember what else happened.
Saturday, we saw a parade. For a small town whose parades usually consist of old people driving by with club names painted on their cars, it wasn’t bad. They actually bothered to make floats, throw candy, and drive big honking muscle cars through the streets. We even saw a horse poop and then applaud as children walked through it.
By afternoon, the T3 was in full effect, so I had no idea I wasn’t supposed to be running around. Terrence and I played a game of croquet out on my uncle’s lawn, then got bored and turned it into a game without rules where we just try to hit the ball through the course as fast as we can. Then we went back inside the camper and played Mario Kart DS.
Saturday night was really stupid. I developed a case of the hiccups that lasted six hours, brought on by drinking a glass of cranberry juice. I was up all night swatting mosquitos and wanting to die. I also watched bits and pieces of M. Night’s “The Village” on late night TV, but that didn’t help at all. Yes, I’m one of those campers who needs a TV.
Sunday, I was better. We had a fun morning trying to pack the car while it was raining and trying to keep the cats out of the mud. On the way home, they figured out how to open the windows and kept wanting to jump out.
I’ve got another week with the stitches, but can’t eat anything too solid just yet. All of my meals are made up of noodles with boneless ribs, with yogurt for breakfast every day. I also keep falling asleep at work. There’s probably other stuff too, but I can’t remember what to write.