I’m sorry, internet, but you can’t throw a video like this at me and expect me to stay quiet about it. It’s just not feasible. I have to say something.
The video in question is Rebecca Black’s “Friday.” Chances are, you’re sick of hearing about it already. If this is your first time hearing about it, I have posted her video right here. Watching it is completely optional because the song has been known to make some people’s ears bleed.
Me on the other hand… I love this song to death. For reasons explained later.
Now the major dealie going on is that people are unanimously calling this “the worst song ever written.” I refuse to agree with that statment because this song doesn’t contain any instances of the word “slizzered,” and I refuse to acknowledge that Katy Perry’s “Firework” or Bruno Mars’ “Grenade” are acceptable alternatives.
What I like about this song is that Rebecca Black has unwittingly written what could otherwise be considered the perfect satirical take on modern pop music. All the worst of cliches are in here – the auto-tuned voice, the pointless rap sequence, the “party all the time” mentality, and best of all, the lack of lyrical symbolism, where she’s literally singing about eating cereal and wondering where in the car she’ll sit. I can’t listen to this song with a straight face. I just have a big dumb grin through the whole thing. I want to live in her world and follow her around and watch what she says about everyday things, like “Look, there’s a mailbox. The mailman puts the mail in the mailbox. That’s how we get our mail.” Awesome.
Now granted, she’s 13, and I blame both her parents and the record company for any pain she’s suffered at the hands of this song. I mean, come on – putting your 13 year old daughter in the position of becoming the laughing stock of the internet should be considered child abuse. They had every chance to stop this before it started – all they had to do was tell Rebecca “we’ll get you some singing lessons and find you a better writer” before deciding she needed her own label.
But the interesting thing about seeing someone so young write a song like this is seeing what kind of musical influence is going into children these days. Everything about this song seems like a parody of Justin Bieber, Ke$ha, and The Black-Eyed Peas – only it’s meant to be an homage. She has picked up on the worst of everything and turned it into inspiration. Much like how The Black-Eyed Peas used to rhyme the days of the week with the other days of the week, Rebecca Black has taken it one step further: she explains that Sunday comes after Saturday, which comes after Friday. Something about that makes me clap my hands like a seal, and yet dread what kind of music we’ll be hearing throughout the next decade.
So, yes, it’s a terrible song, but it’s just so bad that it’s good. For a song that has no poetic craft, it’s open to so many interpretations. It’s a statement about music, about society, about children, about fame – you can turn it into a statement about everything in life except… ironically… parties. We learn nothing new about parties from this song.
Interesting things happen in life. This was one of them.
Heard of “Lost?” It’s ending next Tuesday in a big two and a half hour movie event (which severely cuts into my back-to-back “Deadliest Warrior” and “Glee” time.) I could always watch the later show, but people have a habit of being asses when it comes to finales. It was the same way with the last Harry Potter book where it took me a week after it’s release to start reading it, and by then, I already knew how 10 of the 30 main characters would die (highlight for answer: wizard magic.)
Anyhow, the good folks at Cracked have come up with a handy recap tool for anyone who hasn’t been watching Lost but might get forced to sit through the finale by a friend or loved one who refuses to give up TV rights. This recap (done in a style of a 20’s radio show) should tell you everything you need to know, and teach you some awesome slang words at the same time.
Some will remember him as the dude from “Dirty Dancing,” the film that has plagued many a date, (because frankly, every girl will make their boyfriend watch that at some point – and it does seem to get better every time I see it.) Then some people would remember him for his more kick-ass roles in movies like “Road House” and “The Outsiders.” Sometimes he’d mix romance with kick-ass action in a movie like “Ghost” where he’s running around as a spectre beating the crap out of low-life criminals while ruining clay pottery. And then later in his career, he’d get tricked into making bad family movies which feature some of my artwork. In any case, even when he was at his worst, he was still at close to being a man’s man and a ladies’ man that a guy can get without crossing the line into douche-baggery. Plus he even beat the crap out of cancer the first he got it, so that’s pretty cool.
I’ll always fondly remember him as the guy whose face kept getting Photoshopped onto King Graham’s head during Paw’s KQ5 playthrough. Because for me, that’s one of highest honors any actor could hope to have.
The first solar eclipse occurred the first time the moon passed between the earth and sun. Chuck Norris had nothing to do with this as the event took place 4 billions years ago, and he was born in 1940.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, then you have a total of ten dollars combined. The presence of Chuck Norris does not alter numerical values.
Chuck Norris tried to sue MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around him. The judge called him an idiot and dismissed the case.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face, hence the brain damage.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. He later bought the school a new periodic table and apologized for his actions.
There is no theory of evolution according to Chuck Norris, because he is a creationist.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. That isn’t supposed to be funny, by the way. Someone should really call the police.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero, thanks to Grade 6 math.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He’s worried he’ll wake up and find out he has more illegitimate children.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. It goes on his ex-wife’s credit card.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. This is how he got fired from his first job.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. The judge sighed and dismissed the case again.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. A likely defect caused by fetal alcohol syndrome.
Chuck Norris can’t run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. His arm to head distance would have to be over 22000 km for that to work, and his bones would break under the stress.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 8,420,000 Google search results.
If you Google search “Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked” you will generate 3,110,000 results.
Chuck Norris tried to use his own hand to beat a Royal Flush, but they beat him up and took his money anyway.
Chuck Norris can’t finish a “color by numbers” because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Why hasn’t anyone arrested this psychotic bastard yet?
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. Chuck Norris is always late.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. They’ve been doing that a lot lately.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. If a child is blocking the way.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. The judge put a restraining order on Chuck Norris, ordering him to stay away from his courtroom.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy. It is run by a group of government conspirators who trick the American people into believing they don’t exist. Chuck Norris just farts around the house watching TV and laughing at Chuck Norris jokes on the internet while this happens.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a beverage. The cops took him in and demolished his lemonade stand. He is no longer allowed to associate with the neighborhood children.
I just found these on my camera from a couple weeks back. I was apparently so impressed with this Chicken-Zucchini lasagna I made that I had to take a picture of it.
It was really good, but I’m going nuts trying to figure out what the heck that white thing is under the top layer. It looks like I cooked a sheet of printer paper into my meal. I don’t remember eating printer paper!
Let’s see, chicken, zucchini, peppers, mushrooms, onions, garlic, buffalo sauce, some tabasco, assorted herbs and spices, and shredded cheese… nope. None of that resembles a flat white sheet. And yet it somehow managed to evade detection up until now, long after I’ve digested it.
I wonder what other camera ghosts I’ve eaten?
I also found this sweet picture of one of the coolest Christmas presents ever.
My sonic screwdriver.
It’s basically just a screwdriver and flashlight in one, so I can’t go around frying door locks and overriding Dalek computers, but it doesn’t mean I can’t point the flashlight at stuff and make the sound effects whenever I need to assemble Ikea furniture.
Saturday, my friend Michaela invited me out to see the late-night showing of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” I’d seen the movie twice before and never got into it. The rest of my knowledge concerning “Rocky Horror” came from that episode of “Drew Carey” I saw where Drew and his friends had a Time Warp dance-off against the transvestites from “Priscilla: Queen of the Desert.” But, hey, my friend was performing in the shadow cast and I was allowed to go in for free as long as I kept a flashlight on the performers for the whole thing. I figured why not?
It was pretty freakin’ awesome. I finally get Rocky Horror and I recommend the experience to anyone.
The first 40 minutes before the show started was made up of a costume contest with crappy prizes. I was told to wear something, but all I could bring myself to wear in the spirit of the occasion was a suit with the shirt untucked and a tie worn around my head like a bandana.
But the real fun begins when the show starts. I won’t give too much away, but it’s basically like watching “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ live and involves toilet paper and toast. Plus a bunch of people running around in their underwear. All good things. And all you have to put up with are a few naked guys wearing golden thongs in the audience (the bikini girls make up for them.)
The rest of my weekend entailed watching “Max Payne” on Friday with Terrence and Brit (and eating pasta at Buca’s) as well as getting my computer back (now equipped with a GeForce 9800 – extended warranty rocks!), beating “Kingdom Hearts II” on Hard Mode, resuming work on “Incinerations,” and beginning a game on “Mass Effect.” I also did the dishes, bought some groceries, and folded laundry.
But sadly, no picnic.
Also on Thursday, I finally said goodbye to my support group and moved on back to my normal life. It was one of those really emotional moments where a guy doesn’t find out how much he’s loved until he leaves everyone because I wound up getting hugs for five minutes straight (one of them took up half that time.) If it weren’t for the confidentiality agreements, I would’ve gladly taken some of those people home. Or at least one of them (if you’re google-stalking me, you know who you are.) But I guess the whole point of the group was to recreate those connections in the outside world the same way I did it inside. At least I get my evenings back.
I’ve been getting very political lately, thanks to one of my co-workers who often shows up to work in his “Obama ’08” T-shirt. A lot of discussions I’ve had with him have been causing me to read up on the systems myself, get over my political apathy, and start developing my own opinions for once. Yes, even the American system. After all, the last time you guys elected a president, he tried to destroy the world and recreated the Great Depression.
The Canadian election is coming up later this October. I actually consider myself a Progressive Conservative/Republican. I like a little bit of change, but overall I don’t want to be taxed to death. Upon checking out the Liberal and NDP parties’ agendas, they plan to do nothing but screw me over with taxes. Their “Green Shift” plan which involves “taxing what you burn, not what you earn” translates into “MWAHAHAHA!!! MORE GAS MONEY!!!! Oh, hi. Here’s a dollar.” Then there’s the Bloc Quebecois and Green Party who I’m not even going to comment on. So that leaves me the Conservatives as usual, except for one major flaw. Every person who ever gets put in charge of a Conservative or Republican party is crazy.
During Steven Harper’s reign after taking over from the Liberals, he really didn’t accomplish anything. Off the top of my head, the only thing I can think of is that at one point, he decided to reopen the gay marriage case and make it illegal again. Is that seriously still an issue? We’ve got health care to deal with, unemployed bums running around, crappy roads that take forever to fix, high gas prices, and all he’s concerned with is making sure gays aren’t marrying each other? How is that affecting him? When gays get married, do they fuse into an Oozaru and destroy planets? I like to imagine that every time he goes home, he has to shoo a gay wedding off his front lawn. Otherwise, why can’t we have someone who wants to lower taxes without having some medieval uber-Christian agenda on their plate? And why are they always obsessed with war? Ugggh. Then again, my mom really needs the health coverage they provide for her diabetes. It’ll have to be people before values in my case. Those jerks. Ah, well – we get screwed over no matter who we pick. Until anyone cares to inform me otherwise.
America, however, seriously needs a Democrat back in the house. McCain is more than just some typical Republican crazy – he’s a badly-cliched movie politican. He doesn’t have any plans – he’s just a bitter old man who wants to sit in the White House before he dies and spend all his time playing golf. Every time I hear a news story about him, he’s getting more and more proactive in a “Poochy the Rapping Dog” kind of way just to win over voters. It’s pretty hilarious to watch his pathetic attempts actually, but also really sad because people are falling for it. Americans, your country is in the crapper and you need change. No matter who gets elected, there will be a tax hike. Might as well vote in the guy who’s being honest about it. Go for the community organizer. You never know – you might like him.
And hey, come on! A Black President! As far as badly-cliched movie politicians go, those are the best kinds.