It’s not every day I live down the street from burning building, police cars getting flipped over, and crowds running from tear gas. Granted, this would have happened if the Canucks won the game anyway. The closest I got to the action was a food fight in Tim Horton’s where I saw a group of friends beat the crap out of each other and then obliterate the front door. After that, my class just camped out for a while at school until things died down. Then we spend a good chunk of yesterday laughing at this one video over and over again.
Archive for the 'Stupidity' Category
UPDATE: Uploaded the cartoon to Vimeo, so you can watch the whole thing in one video now!
I’m sorry, internet, but you can’t throw a video like this at me and expect me to stay quiet about it. It’s just not feasible. I have to say something.
The video in question is Rebecca Black’s “Friday.” Chances are, you’re sick of hearing about it already. If this is your first time hearing about it, I have posted her video right here. Watching it is completely optional because the song has been known to make some people’s ears bleed.
Me on the other hand… I love this song to death. For reasons explained later.
Now the major dealie going on is that people are unanimously calling this “the worst song ever written.” I refuse to agree with that statment because this song doesn’t contain any instances of the word “slizzered,” and I refuse to acknowledge that Katy Perry’s “Firework” or Bruno Mars’ “Grenade” are acceptable alternatives.
What I like about this song is that Rebecca Black has unwittingly written what could otherwise be considered the perfect satirical take on modern pop music. All the worst of cliches are in here – the auto-tuned voice, the pointless rap sequence, the “party all the time” mentality, and best of all, the lack of lyrical symbolism, where she’s literally singing about eating cereal and wondering where in the car she’ll sit. I can’t listen to this song with a straight face. I just have a big dumb grin through the whole thing. I want to live in her world and follow her around and watch what she says about everyday things, like “Look, there’s a mailbox. The mailman puts the mail in the mailbox. That’s how we get our mail.” Awesome.
Now granted, she’s 13, and I blame both her parents and the record company for any pain she’s suffered at the hands of this song. I mean, come on – putting your 13 year old daughter in the position of becoming the laughing stock of the internet should be considered child abuse. They had every chance to stop this before it started – all they had to do was tell Rebecca “we’ll get you some singing lessons and find you a better writer” before deciding she needed her own label.
But the interesting thing about seeing someone so young write a song like this is seeing what kind of musical influence is going into children these days. Everything about this song seems like a parody of Justin Bieber, Ke$ha, and The Black-Eyed Peas – only it’s meant to be an homage. She has picked up on the worst of everything and turned it into inspiration. Much like how The Black-Eyed Peas used to rhyme the days of the week with the other days of the week, Rebecca Black has taken it one step further: she explains that Sunday comes after Saturday, which comes after Friday. Something about that makes me clap my hands like a seal, and yet dread what kind of music we’ll be hearing throughout the next decade.
So, yes, it’s a terrible song, but it’s just so bad that it’s good. For a song that has no poetic craft, it’s open to so many interpretations. It’s a statement about music, about society, about children, about fame – you can turn it into a statement about everything in life except… ironically… parties. We learn nothing new about parties from this song.
Interesting things happen in life. This was one of them.
Here’s a video of someone throwing a brick into a washing machine. It’s really popular, and may be a sign that the internet is reaching it’s end. Remember when dancing hamsters used to amuse us? Times have changed. Fast-forward to 50 seconds in for the good stuff.
And now that you’ve seen that, here’s a shorter version where the washing machine has a face.
The first solar eclipse occurred the first time the moon passed between the earth and sun. Chuck Norris had nothing to do with this as the event took place 4 billions years ago, and he was born in 1940.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, then you have a total of ten dollars combined. The presence of Chuck Norris does not alter numerical values.
Chuck Norris tried to sue MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around him. The judge called him an idiot and dismissed the case.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face, hence the brain damage.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. He later bought the school a new periodic table and apologized for his actions.
There is no theory of evolution according to Chuck Norris, because he is a creationist.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. That isn’t supposed to be funny, by the way. Someone should really call the police.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero, thanks to Grade 6 math.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He’s worried he’ll wake up and find out he has more illegitimate children.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. It goes on his ex-wife’s credit card.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. This is how he got fired from his first job.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. The judge sighed and dismissed the case again.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. A likely defect caused by fetal alcohol syndrome.
Chuck Norris can’t run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. His arm to head distance would have to be over 22000 km for that to work, and his bones would break under the stress.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 8,420,000 Google search results.
If you Google search “Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked” you will generate 3,110,000 results.
Chuck Norris tried to use his own hand to beat a Royal Flush, but they beat him up and took his money anyway.
Chuck Norris can’t finish a “color by numbers” because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Why hasn’t anyone arrested this psychotic bastard yet?
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. Chuck Norris is always late.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. They’ve been doing that a lot lately.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. If a child is blocking the way.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. The judge put a restraining order on Chuck Norris, ordering him to stay away from his courtroom.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy. It is run by a group of government conspirators who trick the American people into believing they don’t exist. Chuck Norris just farts around the house watching TV and laughing at Chuck Norris jokes on the internet while this happens.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a beverage. The cops took him in and demolished his lemonade stand. He is no longer allowed to associate with the neighborhood children.
I’m dealing with some seriously stressful crap in my life right now, so I’ll be taking another break from regular blogging until it blows over, fixes itself, or at least gets within a reasonable stability. Gotta stay focused on other stuff. I’ll probably just post a funny video from time to time or something like that.
In the meantime, I found a long forgotten gem in the forums. Who was around when we played “Chris Adventure?” Well, after almost two years, I finally got around to sticking a recap of it all in a convenient Flash package for your arrow-clicking amusement. I’d forgotten how quickly this game went downhill.
Enjoy! I’ll try not to completely disappear off the face of the Earth.
All right, Michaela. I’ll see your Appalachian State University song and raise you this.
(Courtesy of Olzen)
Yes, that’s a real commercial.
It’s pretty funny if you stop the video after she yells “DAD!”
The Mythbusters say yes.
(Courtesy of Melanie.)
Terrence, I think you’ll get a kick out of this.
Courtesy of the Nostalgia Critic:
Cartoon All-Stars will probably get hammered on for the rest of eternity, but God help me if I ever get sick of watching people’s reactions to it.