Friday Movie Blogging 02-06-09: We Don’t Need Roads

Hello, everybody. Today is February 6th, 2009. Do you know what that means? It means 2015 is only 5 years and 320 days off, and science has only 5 years and 320 days left to make “Back to the Future II” a reality. Give or take a few months until summer.

In the last 25 or so years, science has made a few advancements to make that awesome future a reality (i.e. robot servants, cameras with zoom features, talking computers, wacky futuristic props, and voice-controlled stuff that sometimes works if you yell at it just right.) But we’re still pretty far off, so I’ve thoroughly gone through the movie and compiled a simple list of everything scientists should be focused on inventing. If you’re a scientist, drop everything and get to work on one of these before Steven Spielburg re-releases BTTF2 with updated time coordinates. Because you know he’ll do it.

Scientists, you have 6 years to complete the following:
-Flying Cars and regulated Sky-Ways (this is the big one)
-Mr. Fusion (or anything that can convert household garbage into nuclear power.)
-Hover-Boards
-Government-Controlled Weather
-Rejuvenation Clinics
-Power Laces
-Size-Adjustable Clothing
-Self-Drying Clothes
-Talking Clothes
-The Abolishment of all Lawyers (I’m sure there’s a scientific way to do it.)
-Unrealistic 3D Holographic Images of Sharks
-Floating Holographic Billboards
-Bulky New Pepsi Bottles
-Terrifyingly Low Frame-Rates on Televised Waiters
-Video Games you don’t play with your hands (we could probably just learn to play Wii with our feet.)
-Biotic Implants (whatever those are.)
-Dust-Repellent Paper
-Suspended Animation Kennels (so we can freeze our dogs.)
-”Lithium Mode On?” What the heck is that supposed to mean? Whatever it is, invent it.
-Dehydrated Pizza
-The Black & Decker Hydrator (so we can re-hydrate our pizza)
-Ceiling Retractable Fruit Trees (we probably have these, but I want one too.)
-Upside-Down Hover-Walkers (is it safe to hang senior citizens upside-down? Let’s find out.)
-Transparent Stainless Steel (or whatever Doc’s glasses are made of)
-Inflatable Tits (we probably have these as well, but we haven’t advanced enough as a society to the point where we can turn on the TV and see a big ad for “INFLATABLE TITS.” Not in North America anyway.)

When inventing hover-boards, please make sure they have power.

All us non-scientists will also have to do our part to make this amazing future a reality. In the next few years, the 80′s need to make a comeback (only on steroids) so I implore everyone to start wearing life preservers, rainbow colored hats, transparent ties, crazy glasses and headgear, tight-fitting latex (as casual wear,) as many bright colors as you can muster up, and turn all your pockets inside-out. Fashion-wise, this next decade needs to be something we can truly be ashamed of.

We’ll also have to do away with cell phones and personal computers since nobody in this future uses any, but I don’t think we’ll miss ‘em.

Movies I watched this Week:

I sort of held a marathon on Tuesday.

Back to the Future (1985)

Rating: A+

It’s pretty good!

Back to the Future 2 (1989)

Rating: A+

This one’s good too!

Back to the Future 3 (1990)

Rating: A+

Hurray! Now they’re cowboys!

Movies coming out this Weekend:
Coraline: Watching this with Melly and Brit tomorrow!
Push: Like Heroes, but with actual fights.
He’s Not That Into You: Based on another book I never heard of, but apparently funny.
The Pink Panther 2: Can poop have a sequel? Yes it can.

February 06 2009 12:47 pm | Movies

3 Responses to “Friday Movie Blogging 02-06-09: We Don’t Need Roads”

  1. Triffid on 07 Feb 2009 at 6:18 pm #

    Good man. I’ve been wanting to see those movies again for a very long time. The box set is only a little over twenty dollars here, but since I’ve just managed to procure the trilogy in a somewhat less expensive (and/or legal) way, I think I’ll be doing some watching over the next little while. T’anks!

  2. Trey - Swollen Thumb Entertainment on 08 Feb 2009 at 12:05 am #

    The hover boards are the big one to me. Ever seen Da Ali G Show, where he tries to get the businessmen to mass produce the hover board? Too funny.

    I like your comment about the 80′s on steroids. It’s true. The filmmakers must have thought that the 80′s would last forever.

    I am interested in Coraline. It seems to be one of the few movie “events” to come out in a while.

  3. Chris on 08 Feb 2009 at 3:48 am #

    @Triffy
    Let me guess – the magic of something that starts with B and rhymes with ItTorrent? ;)

    @Trey
    Coraline was a fantastic movie. In my opinion, definitely worth seeing in theaters.

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