Some villains get what’s coming to them, and others get a lot worse than they deserve. Here are five random Disney villains that have earned my sympathy.
Ursula the Sea Witch – The Little Mermaid
Crime and Punishment: Ursula gives Ariel human legs in exchange for her voice, and three days to get Prince Eric to kiss her if she wanted to keep the legs. Ariel fails, and Ursula uses her as a bargaining chip to get King Triton’s trident and rule all of Atlantica. That is, until Prince Eric skewers her in the back with a boat.
Why I feel bad for her: Because everything she did was legal. It’s Ariel who wasn’t satisfied with being a princess and signed the contract. She didn’t have to, but she did. And sure, Ursula tried to sabotage their relationship, but come on, the playing field was already in Ariel’s favor. It’s not that hard to get a kiss when you’re a hot naked redhead nympho running around on the beach. And did King Triton HAVE to sign over the deed to the ocean just to save Ariel? No. She was an ungrateful daughter, and maybe some time spent as seaweed would’ve taught her a lesson about “wanting more.” This was all a very well-played strategy in Ursula’s favor and she deserved to win.
Al McWhiggin + Stinky Pete – Toy Story 2
Crime and Punishment: Al steals Woody at Andy’s Mom’s garage sale so he can add him to a collection of toys he intends on sending to a museum in Japan. Stinky Pete is one of those collectables who really wants to go. Buzz and his friends show up, save Woody, stick Pete in a little girl’s bag at the airport, and run off with the rest of Al’s collection.
Why I feel bad for them: Where to start? Stinky Pete is a victim depicted as a villain. He spent his whole life in the original packaging, and the only thing in life he has to look forward to is getting to be part of the museum exhibit. He tries to stop Woody and the gang from destroying his dream, so they send him off to be tortured. Then you have Al who’s already the most pathetic guy ever depicted in a Disney movie. He probably killed himself after the movie when he found out his million-dollar life’s dream went missing at the airport, but that’s okay – Andy has his cowboy doll back.
Clayton – Tarzan
Crime and Punishment: He came to the jungle to capture some wild gorillas and sell them to the zoo. After shooting Tarzan’s gorilla father, the two get into a fight in the trees and Clayton ends up getting hanged by the neck in a freak vine accident. Yech.
Why I feel bad for him: He may have been trigger-happy, but he never actually killed anybody on purpose. When he shot Tarzan’s dad, it was in self-defense. When he fought Tarzan, Tarzan attacked first. The guy can’t hear the talking animals; to him, they really are just dumb things you can put in a cage for money. Why does Disney snap his neck over this? That’s like breaking somebody’s legs for littering. Just tie him up in some vines and send him back to England.
The Evil Queen – Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
Crime and Punishment: Jealous of Snow White’s beauty, the Queen sends her hunter out to kill the young maiden. When she later find out the hunter didn’t do the deed, she disguises herself as an old hag, finds Snow White, and gives her a poisoned apple. She’s then set upon by the dwarves and later falls of a cliff.
Why I feel bad for her: I’ll admit – everything she did was worthy of a place in the Douchebag Hall of Fame. Petty jealousy = murder? Yeah, right. Still, her inevitable demise is maybe a little over-the-top. After finishing off Snow White, she is immediately set upon by seven dwarves armed with clubs who come riding in with an army of forest animals, and they proceed to chase this old woman up a mountain. At this point, the Evil Queen is defenseless. She’s already used up her apple, and if they catch her, they will bludgeon and gore her to death. Her only glimmer of hope comes in the form of a large boulder she tries to crush the dwarves with, but even then, she has no hope. Because at that moment, God strikes her with a lightning bolt, causes her to fall off the cliff, drops the boulder on her, and then sends the vultures to pick at her corpse. It’s like everything in the movie just curb-stomped this old lady to death.
The Dentist – Finding Nemo
Crime and Punishment: One day, the dentist is out scuba diving when he happens upon a lovely clownfish. So he bags it and takes it home to his aquarium. He later intends to give this fish to his niece as a present. But that plan takes a wrong turn when the entire animal kingdom attacks him in his office during a routine check-up in order to rescue that fish.
Why I feel bad for him: Because he’s not even a villain! He’s just a normal guy who went to work one day and got attacked by fish!
February 27 2009 11:20 am | Movies