Welcome to the ultimate home page! I'm Chris Ushko and you've entered the wonderful twisted world of my imagination! Here, we've got everything! Cartoons! Games! Books! More Games! Lots of games! And exclamation points! It's everything you ever wanted! So drop in, take some time off from the craziness of social media, and enjoy my little niche corner of the internet!

Whose ready for epic stair-climbing? You are! The kingdom of Castlewood is under attack and only you and your epic thighs can save the day! Are you hero enough to brave all the flights of stairs? Of course you are! Go quest on those stairs right now!

Old Timey hijinks are abound in this adventure game short! Travel back to Old York City where the police call in the world's most Old Timey Detective to resolve a mysterious food poisoning.

From the minds at "No More For Today Productions", get ready to journey into a world full of mermaids, candy, and Muppet vampires on your quest to find your missing stuff!

Join space hero Roger Wilco on an epic trek across the galaxy to save his girlfriend, defeat an army of space chickens and find his missing luggage! Features stuff, stuff, and more stuff! This is a very stuff-filled game! Also, your best friend is a robot named Doomtron! Not gonna lie; you should be playing this right now! This game's sort of a big deal to me!

I don't think you had enough Space Quest, so here's some more! From a team of disturbingly-devoted Sierra fans comes another huge adventure! This time on an ice planet covered with furry blue guys! And there's a farting walrus in it and an army of gorillas maybe! You should play this too! Just download it and keep it on your desktop where that icon will nag at you until you play it.

I used to work with Phoenix Online on this game. It's pretty huge! There's, like, four chapters worth of gameplay with a new one still on the way! A huge cast of talented people worked on from all over the industry so check it out! I play a talking stick in it.

Hey! Do you want to play a remake of "Monkey Island 2", except it's all animated with Windows Paint and the whole story's been retold using outdated movie references? Of course you do! Jump into this Klik-N-Play oldie that any sane person would have a hard time believing exists.

Here's another Monkey Island game I made, also with Windows Paint and Klik-n-Play! Man, those were good times.

It's my first game! Only it's not an adventure game. It's a five-minute shooter filled with an archive of sound effects I had sitting on my hard drive. It's ends with the world exploding. Probably unplayable on today's computers.

Books!

These are my books! They're not free; you have to buy them on Kindle. But they're sometimes free, so follow my Twitter and I'll let you know. I started writing them back in '97 and then kept rewriting them for 20 years. Then a friend convinced me to finish one for an NaNoWriMo event. And then I finished them. I'm really happy with how they turned out.

The first book is about two brothers running a bar, and one of them hits it off with a girl who discovers they might be vampires. Except they're not vampires (not the brothers anyway) and they turn out to be secret 9000 year-old Fire-Blood Angel/Demons. And then they blow their cover and a demon sorceress tracks them down to Halifax accompanied by the seven demons released from Pandora's Box. So they team up with Poseidon, a Chinese Immortal, and the King of France to defeat the sorceress and her monsters and that's it. Also, there's lot of Doctor Who references. This is basically a young adult novel gone insane. If somebody wants to option it for a poorly-adapted low-budget movie, please contact me. I'd be so down for that.

Ooh! Now this one I spent a bunch of time on. I read a crap-ton of Greek/Norse mythology, lots of Lovecraft, and played "Mass Effect 2" way too many times to research this one. This one takes everybody out of the city and across the world in a magic airship as they hurry to stop the Titans from conquering the world. There twists and turns and character development galore! And a dog that shoots bees out of its mouth! Still my favourite of the three.

This is the book that justified this trilogy being books instead of cartoons. Mainly because I keep describing everything in the millions and trillions. The final chapter is basically a road trip across the nine afterlives, with the Four Horsemen running amock and the two brothers coming to terms with the insanity of their own lives. Also: Martian Zombie Dinosaurs, because why not go out with a bang? I had to rush this one because I had a baby on the way, so forgive any spelling errors and join me on this last wild ride.