Given a lot of my present day behavior, there’s the distinct possibility that I was a dog in a past life. Just a few things I’ve noticed about my habits to give me this impression:
Signs that eating chocolate may kill me someday
- I’ll eat and drink whatever is put in front of me without any sense of moderation and chew on anything that gets within a few inches of my mouth.
- I’ll often wake up on top of the covers and curled up at the foot of my bed.
- I’ve been known to chase cats on occasion.
- I can hear dog whistles.
- My eyebrows make up 90% of my body language (they have to work overtime since I can’t wag my tail.)
- When people are sad, my first instinct is to put my head on their lap and listen to their problems (only applies to women, and they probably think the lap thing is creepy.)
- When people are angry, my first instinct is to go into the other room confused and hang my head until they stop being angry.
- When people are happy, my first instinct is to sit near the happiest people/women and let them lavish attention upon me.
- I often fantasize about being Scooby-Doo in a Daphne-Velma sandwich (okay, I made that one up – but I DID put a mental picture in your head.)
- Rub me the right way, and I’ll be your loyal-to-the-end best friend forever.
Of course, a lot of my behavior can still be attributed to other possible past animal lives. My habit to spend time on the couch and smell things could have been picked up from being a cat. Other times, I’ll perch on something like a vulture and scare the crap out of everybody. Then there’s my overwhelming desire to reign destruction down upon mankind and enslave the human race, which I guess makes me either a dragon or an incredibly kick-ass unicorn.
You can hit me with a newspaper for that terribly lame dog pun in the post title now.