A short while ago, over on the Subspace Channel forum, I wrote this little short parodying a scene from the Sierra game "King's Quest 6," and figured I'll post it up anyways since I'm short on new material. This skit works best when imagining the voices of Monty Python characters as it progresses.
THE SETTING: Prince Alexander, on his mission to rescue Princess Cassima from the evil Vizier, comes across the mysterious Isle of the Beast, where he meets an odd gardner on the other side of a large brick wall. Mounted atop the wall is a moving stone archer with an itchy trigger finger and an arrow aimed directly at Alexander's heart. Alex's instincts inform him not to move any closer to the wall, so he inquires about the figure to the unusual gardner
GARDENER: "Now, don't worry about that ol' stone archer. He won't hurt you any."
ALEX: "Are you quite sure? It seems to be following me."
GARDENER: "No, no, no - he's fixed in place for shore. That's just the wind."
ALEX: "The wind?!? What wind?!?"
GARDENER: "There's a slight breeze."
ALEX: "Where?"
GARDENER: "In the upper atmosphere, of course. You'd best be seeing from over here."
ALEX: "Do you mean to tell me that a light breeze is strong enough to move a 50-pound stone archer?!?"
GARDENER: "It's not uncommon!"
ALEX: "Not uncommon?!? It's physically impossible!"
GARDENER: "This coming from a bloke who rode in on an old piece of parchment? Now you're telling me you're a physics instructor?"
ALEX: "Well, by your logic, I should clearly be able to knock down the wall simply by blowing on it!"
GARDENER: "Are you threatening to knock down my wall?!? You'd best be looking for a fight then! Come and bring it! Come on!"
ALEX: "No - no... Tell you what - why don't YOU come over HERE and THEN we'll talk?"
GARDENER: "I can't. I've done got meself got a rare disease which keeps me from traveling south."
ALEX: "Well, that's the most preposterous thing I've ever...OH, MY GOD! It just shot a rabbit!"
GARDENER: "Of course it shot a rabbit! Nobody likes rabbits!"
ALEX: "..."
GARDENER: "..."
ALEX: "The statue doesn't like RABBITS?!?"
GARDNER: "Bloody little rascals they are! They'll gouge out yer eyes and eat yer vegetables! Come take a look at what they did to me poor old mother..."
ALEX: "Stop this tomfoolery at once! Is it or is it not safe to cross this path?"
GARDENER: "Shore it's safe!"
ALEX: "It is?"
GARDENER: "It is!"
ALEX: "100% Guaranteed safe?"
GARDENER: " I pinky-swear on me mother's grave."
ALEX: "Cross your fingers, hope to die, stick a burning needle in your eye?"
GARDENER: "Of course!"
ALEX: "Very well then."
...
...
...
...
GARDENER: "Well, I'll be!"
Written by Chris Ushko
Pictures by Jeysie of "The Many Deaths of Prince Alexander"
*THWACK!!!*
