British aliens, skewered seagulls, topless blue chicks, 40-foot monstrosities, and giving other people's wives piggy-back rides - this game has it ALL!!! Remember that King's Quest 2 review? Well, King's Quest 2 is sandpaper toilet wipe compared to this game. After five alien mercenaries (the Meccs) are excreted from a space fish's intestinal tract onto an island in the midst of space, they wind up caught in a war between big-headed pill-jobs, blue chicks called Sea Reapers, and a giant monster called Kabuto. You get to play the part of three main characters: Baz, the gun-toting Mecc who commands his four comrades; Delphi, a topless blue chick who could b**ch-slap Zsa Zsa Gabor from across the room; and Kabuto: a freak of nature with teeth, claws, and a pretty nice body slam.
The best part of the game? It's a British comedy. No more than a couple minutes into the game and you start to hear the British anthem as Baz plants a flag on the island (which is stolen shortly afterward by a pissed-off seagull.) After having discovered this new land, you do the first thing that comes to mind: you shoot anything that moves. I'm not kidding. And if you 
can't find anything that moves - shoot the rocks, trees, and buildings. Shoot at these things long enough and you'll wear them down to a fine grain - it's awesome. And you remember that guy who does the voice of Pinky on "Pinky and the Brain?" I think he also does the voice of the main A.D.D-inflicted Smartie character, Ahmed ("You can call me Timmy!") To your right is a picture of him screaming for his pills in Baz' face. He'll spend most of the intro riding around on your back and offering you prizes for completing various tasks. Most of the prizes, however, is stuff he's stolen from you.
Me and Mac were playing this game the other night. MacPen had never seen the game so I was taking him through it step by step. For the first third of the game, you play as the Meccs, trying to find a way off the island. The next third is spent playing as Delphi the Sea Reaper in her quest to destroy her mother (we had to play this part all over again after MacPen looked up a programming trick on the net that allows you to remove her bikini top.) In the final stretch of the game, you play as Kabuto and eat everything in sight. As we played this masterpiece, Mac got too stimulated and had a seizure. The following is a transcript of the stuff that went on last night.
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MACPEN: Whazzup?!? LAZLO: Dude! You made it! Come on, you have to check this game out! MACPEN: Okay, but I can't stay long. The world needs me. LAZLO: No way, man. You HAVE to see this game. MACPEN: Fine. Where's a Pepsi? LAZLO: Sorry. This is a Coke house. MACPEN: DWAAAHH!!! CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON AND FIGHT ME!!! LAZLO: Here, the game's starting! MACPEN: You showed me this game last week. LAZLO: Shhh. No I didn't. MACPEN: Yes, you did. I drank too many Jolt Colas and had a seizure, remember? ...why is that tape recorder on? LAZLO: Check this out! BOOM! BANG!!!! MACPEN: Are you trying to recreate the events of last week so you can capture us on tape and put up our conversations on the internet? LAZLO: Yes. Play Along. Whee! Look at me crash this guy into the wall!
MACPEN: Can't this wait until the weekend?
LAZLO: Look at this! This is the part where you shout "Ahoy, monster! Thou shall not fire flaming blue balls of fire at me!" And then you go berzerk and down a soda!
MACPEN: Listen, there's probably a school bus full of children dangling over a river somewhere so I've gotta get going...
LAZLO: Wait! Penguin! We haven't even gotten to the third level yet!!!
MACPEN: See ya later.
LAZLO: ...stupid penguin.
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So do yourself a favor and buy yourself this game right now! It's guaranteed to prolong your life spam (no, that's not a typo,) make you immune to the Hanta virus, enhance your pecs, and make you ten times more attractive to the opposite sex (keep in mind that 10 times 0 is still 0.)